Sharing Fear

"I am filled with a sense of foreboding - of fear or a sense of loss."

"This emotion is different even from what I felt when either of my parents died, and more difficult for me to bear. I am not sure why I am feeling this way now. If I were to paint a picture of this emotion, it would be dark, swirling masses of dark colored clouds, the atmosphere itself would be dark, brownish, and wet, which would add to its weight. This atmosphere would bear down upon a landscape painted in dark sepia tinged grays, any vegetation would be dead or decayed from the oppressive atmosphere and lack of light. As I imagine this picture, I feel it descending from my head to over my heart. It makes my chest feel so heavy that the rest of my body feels cold. Now, how would I paint something such as that? The words fit, though."

A New Kind of Fear

My mind seems remarkably silent,
Compared to some months ago,
My thoughts would race, leap and collide
Each competing for center stage.
Now my mind is strangely calmer,
My thoughts file through single file,
But they are dark, depressing and frightening,
As slowly into my awareness they creep.
These thoughts are no longer of physical acts,
With superficial emotions thrown in,
But of deeper emotions and feelings,
That originate from far within.
They frighten me and confuse me,
As they march steadily through my mind,
They are not bound to the child or adult me,
But seem connected to my very soul.

11/14/97