Parts of me must quake with fear,
Whenever I come near,
I have compassion for my enemies,
But never any for me,
I did not respect my body,
So I abused myself with food,
I did not honor myself,
And let men use and hurt me,
I could not let me love myself,
Instead I searched out abusive love.
I let myself be cloaked in shame,
When all I wanted was to survive.
I blamed, I chastised, I hated,
I filled me with despair and pain,
I closed the door to joy and peace,
And punished my soul instead.
I saw myself as fat and ugly,
And ignored proof that I was thin.
I denied my sacred womanhood.
My words tried to kill the child within.
I refused to acknowledge my talents,
Or appreciate my intelligent mind,
Worst, I think, of all my acts,
Was to deny there was a little girl,
I left her alone to endure the abuse,
And never went back to help her.
I denied her very existence,
And said I began my life an adult.
My amends to me and the child,
The teen and the young woman,
Must be genuine and heartfelt.
I will share my life with all of me,
I will shower me with love,
And nurture me with healthy food,
I will exercise the body I rejected,
And most important, I will listen,
To my fears and feelings and pain.
I will dry my tears and hug me,
I will hold my hand and introduce me,
To the flowers and the sunshine,
And take me to the mountaintop,
And to the dark green valley below,
And most essential of all...
I will throw away the shame,
And be a loving mother to me.
7/30/00
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