I’m stressed, I hurt,
I want to cry,
Can’t cry cause
I don’t know how,
I see good in me
but it’s not enough,
I must do more,
but how?
I see a stranger in the mirror,
How did she come to be?
I don’t blame myself,
But the weight is oppressive,
I cannot breathe,
I cannot see,
I want to reach out,
Before I creep back
into darkness.
I question my goals,
But I do not hate,
I want peace and calm,
But I eat instead.
I console others,
but can’t calm myself.
I cannot stay grounded,
Though I don’t stray far.
I see other’s pain,
Does it equal my own?
I do good things,
I want to help.
I want to scream out my pain,
But can’t do that,
Can’t make the noise.
I want comfort and love,
But not the embrace.
I want what’s impossible.
Something inside me is
primed to burst,
But my mind won’t stay,
It escapes inside,
To where its quiet and sane,
I think that I fail,
Because I can’t let go,
Of the rigid rules I’ve set,
I must vent these emotions,
But I don’t know how,
Is there a lesson on crying?
But I don’t need excuses,
I am not bad,
And I cannot hate,
But what’s wrong with that?
I treasure life,
I want much more,
I will survive,
And I will heal,
I want more than I have.
I can’t retreat,
The road climbs higher,
I’ve seen light,
My ShadowLand seems left behind,
It was familiar,
This world is new.
6/9/98
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