Deep within I feel I am a failure,
My childhood was stolen away,
and I cry inside as I grieve its loss,
It seems I can do nothing but fail,
For my life’s foundation was never laid.
If I dare reach out a hand,
I’m quick to withdraw it,
If I open my heart, I let door swing shut,
The candle flame I light is extinguished
by my own breath,
Inside I am a person like everyone else,
A mixture of good and bad, successes and failures,
But I am afraid to let others see who I am,
The person who is me, who I want to be,
That special person who God created,
Yearns to be good and honest and compassionate,
But I remain hidden by choice,
I need and yearn for acceptance,
Not by many, but just a very few,
I ache inside from loneliness,
but superficial relationships won’t fill my need,
I feel so small in this immense world,
Is there still a future for me,
after so many years of suffering?
I will not compromise myself ever again,
My standards are what they are,
I treasure honesty, respect and compassion,
I want to experience relationships
based on affection and trust,
Will there ever be such a thing for me?
After all the pain, I need something more,
But I am not sure I will ever find it.
And the loneliness and yearning within me,
are now joined with the fear
that I will fail yet again.
9/16/98
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