My Journey

My mask was shattered a while ago,
The person it symbolized no longer was me,
The persona was but an empty, unfeeling shell,
So quick, efficient, unemotional and strong,
My mind and my ego had adapted so well,
That my person became the persona I'd built.

Now I am left with something so different,
I'm confused and cannot define this new me,
I'm alternately vulnerable and then strong,
A pleasing calmness often pervades me,
Though my new found emotions
remain poised to erupt,
I am a bed of contradiction,
much emptiness still remains.

Try as I might, I still cannot see myself,
But the children I was are becoming clear,
I understand my healing must be from within,
I must somehow become these children again,
If I integrate them into me,
the ghost I am will have substance again,
Then when I look in a mirror,
the image I see will be me.

2/18/98

The past months have carved some changes,
As they etched and chiseled away at my mask,
I am no longer the person I previously was,
And not the yet the person I might wish to be.

I am glad the mask was cracked open,
The perfect but empty employee is now gone,
But I am uncertain who will take her place,
I am uncertain if the decision is mine to make.

I feel as if parts of me are homeless,
With no shelter to make me feel safe,
My emotions suggest several possibilities,
Even though I no longer know who I am.

My emotions are fighting within me,
Who will win and take over my house?
Alone, none of these fragments are whole,
The challenge is to merge them as one.

Down the road I believe I can do this,
What a thrill to introduce a new me,
Who will be a mixture of all the pieces;
With this new mask, my psyche will be free.

2/17/98

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