I travel along the spiral pathways within
myself.
I climb to amazing heights,
only to slide back again so fast.
Pain and grief are followed
by fledgling feelings of joy.
But strangely, this confusing world
makes more sense
than the anxious,
hopeless world I endured before.
I feel physical and spiritual
understanding
grow within me,
The pain, anger and sadness
surface in periodic waves,
When I feel these negative emotions
wash through me,
I no longer attempt to
hide myself or bury them,
I try, instead, to nurture and protect ME.
I will listen to the voices within
my soul,
I will not again turn from my hurting inner child,
Her dismal world kept her a frightened, lonely little girl,
She couldn’t grow and she couldn’t thrive,
She lived in perpetual darkness, pain and fear.
I’m an adult and know I
must integrate
with the Child-Me to be whole.
Though I’ve said these words before,
I can FEEL them now,
Her pain is mine;
I feel her pain and sadness in my adult body.
I feel anger because no one protected her,
The Me I am didn’t exist then,
I was only one very small child.
I am an adult dealing with the
pain
from repeated sexual abuse and neglect,
and the burden of alcoholism, gambling,
and physical and mental illness of others,
I will work with these issues
as a mature and intelligent person,
I will reclaim my adult responsibility
from the shoulders and heart of a small child.
By creating a safe environment for her,
my world is safe, too.
Children are strong and resilient
even when faced with danger,
The majority will survive,
though the damage done them is lasting and great.
Children instinctively know the techniques to use,
as they survive their childhood
and protect their soul from harm,
as they learn with sorrow that love
and protection are not theirs to own.
In anger, I resent that my world
was violated
and broken in two,
but I work hard to mend this gap,
to build a bridge,
to enable these fragmented parts of myself
to finally heal, to join together, to be whole,
and to experience unity
with my inner, and still perfect, soul.
7/30/98
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